apparently, some file is missing on my computer, so it will not start. last night, my father was acting really stupid and doing things to his own computer so it didn't work. now mine doesn't work, and i haven't touched it. my father tends to want to fix things that are not really broken.

i know that he is trying not to yell at me right now. i know he wants to scream it out, everywhere [YOU ARE THE WORST DAUGHTER IN THE WORLD, YOU CANNOT DO ANYTHING RIGHT, YOU ARE /SO/ STUPID]. i know that i am everything he hates about teenagers. and it hurts to see him pour out his love to my 18-month-old nephew. i shouldn't be jealous, and i am not. i love him just as much, if not more. but it hurts, because my father does not like me, and will never accept me for who i am.

i am trying not to cry, and i am trying to avoid the cramps that keep turning my stomach over.

i still haven't got rid of this headache. and if i had the guts, i would call someone, just to talk, but i don't. and who would want to talk to me, anyway...