i am crying. and it is 1:30am and i would be killed if anyone in the house knew i was online this late on a school night.

i am talking to malthe, online. online, of course. because. no. blah. i hate him and i love him and i hate that it hurts so much. that i just wish he would come back to me and say that it was just a big mistake.

when i saw him come online, my body started shaking. and i couldn't make it stop. his name popped up, and it wasn't supposed to happen. i thought i could stay angry with him, for being such a coward, but now i just want him back again. i want all of this to be a bad dream.

why? why doesn't he love me? i want to stop crying.