and now i feel bad, of course, because he only wants to help. they all do. he is one of the good ones, i know, but i just. needed him out of here. there is a thin layer of snow outside. i can't believe i let him go out there. i am an asshole [and all the handicapped people make handicapped faces, i'm an asshole]

i miss erik. it would have been nice to have him around. just because i know i would like it. i hate that he isn't here. because. i need. yeah. i need. something. whatever.

i am going back to the apartment tomorrow [today?] if i get the key. malthe was supposed to send it. so i hope it gets here. i need my things. some of them. music, telephone, camera, paint. bent promised to come with me. and he'll cook me dinner. thank you bent. weird. really. him and daniel seem to be. something. rather than. the hollow words i seem to be getting all the time. it doesn't help that you are there. it's here i need you. need. why can't you just come here? why can't you do that for me? are you really so busy?

i hope. that he cleaned up the bathroom. i don't think i'll handle seeing my blood everywhere very well.