i just sit and stare. it hurts too much to do anything. i think my family is trying to cheer me up. rented movies. when was it? yesterday? the day before? i don't even know what day it is. it can't have been that long ago.

the ambulance men. hey, that hurt. my chest hurts. "she reacts on pain". yeah man, fucking hell i'm reacting when you're sitting on my fucking chest and breaking my ribs. asshole.

i had to drink choal. yes, choal. black stuff. shake it up in a bottle, nice little drink for you. some time during the night i vomited it all up. it was black everywhere.

my face was itching, so i scratched and it wouldn't stop itching, and i was sweating and i fainted. and my eyes are swollen, so i look all weird.

they put a tube down my throat as well. fucking rough for a little plastic thing. it hurts like hell. of course it made me vomit.

and i was so alone. in the hospital. and he didn't come. i called him in the morning. but he didn't come. and i cried. i cried all night and all morning. and they stuck a tube through the vein in my hand and i had to walk around with a drop, and i couldn't go to the bathroom by myself and i was hung over.

enough. i hate that i thought. they were friends.