i hate myself when i am drunk. i get so corny. and stupid. but everyone else just seems so much more interesting. like they have more substance. so i am drinking again.

i realised. there are 5 days until the holiday starts. malthe gets home from germany tomorrow, i hope. my stomach feels empty, and it aches at the same time. like something is sucking. inside it. vaccuum! ahh i am going to slam my head down on the table in a moment!

i hate feelings. i hate that my whole body is consumed with feelings. maybe we'll fly. let's dance! i just love your brain. woo! come on. let's go.

i dreamt weird things about trains and galla parties and fancy dresses and blood everywhere. i killed so many people. and wolves. and elves. fuck. fuck fuck fuck. fucked up. i dreamt. that malthe wouldn't even look at me. and i went. to his place. and it was raining. and rune was there. and. ignore ignore ignore. and my whole body ached. and i went to the balcony. in the rain. and i stood. there. and i. climbed up, to jump. and i stood there. and i waited for him to come and put his arms around my waist. for him to come and tell me to get down.

but i woke up. and i ache. ache. ache.