i didn't sleep. i painted, i ate, i walked around aimlessly, i cried, i talked to myself, i watched 'survivor' for two hours, drooling all over my pillow. it's so weird. it's different than before. because this time i can't help it. i don't know what to do about it. i can't think.

it's not like it was a bad day. it was grey, but filled with music, laughs and glitter. and a good talk with my psychiatrist.

hey, hello, hi. my father always said, "you live in a dream world". and it's true. maybe. a part of me does. one part of me is fiction, and one part of me is real. my fiction-I is happy, has fun and is creative. my real-I is gloomy, antisocial and inactive.

i must feel again soon.