so. what am i supposed to do now? sometimes i feel like i am the stupidest person in the world. and then sometimes i feel that, stupid might actually be okay. i don't know.

i have a hard time figuring out the words to explain how i feel these days. my heart is still smashed in one thousand pieces, and it still aches when someone touches it. i am trying to pick up the pieces that are spread around on the floor, and it seems that all the memories are just. something from a daydream. it probably never happened, i just imagined it. i hope i did. so i don't have to be so sad.

at the same time, i am sort of moving away. and moving on? or. am i just trying to substitute him? i miss the touches. i miss being held. and i want to cry. but alas, i don't. so i am not sure what is going on in my mind, i feel guilty, because i should mourn, shouldn't i? i'm not sure, i have never had my heart broken like this. or, maybe ever. big ego me.

jonas - make yourself.