everything seems chaotic. i am bleeding from places i am not supposed to bleed. i have two different doctor appointments tomorrow. malthe is home, and he doesn't seem to give a fuck. no one seems to care at all. it just feels... pointless.

i have given up on christmas. i always end up crying in the bathroom anyway, and with the way i have been crying lately [every day, all the time], this year will not be different. i just need to get away. i need for someone to look after me.

why won't anyone look after me? or. take care of me. love me. i don't know what i'm saying.

[i have never cut my right arm. up until now.]