i was going to write just one sentence. one that described it all, that caught the feelings. but there is none. nothing that catches the butterflies going crazy in my stomach, the smile i cannot wipe off my face when i think back to it, like something is tickling me. it's so unreal. sitting on our couch watching movies. cooking food in our kitchen. sleeping in our bed, in our bedroom. i can't believe it.

and still. darkness lures behind my eyes. and i cry, for reasons i cannot explain. i know i am okay, i know i feel alright, i know things are not bad right now... but there is something inside me that aches. burns my chest. the visions in my head, the feelings that hit me like bricks in the face. dumped right on me. it scares me.