and so i am not sure anyone believes me. and i am not sure i believe it myself. am i really moving? am i really getting out of here, after all these years of living in constant fear? my mother lives in blissful ignorance, thinking i am not going to go through with this. even with the things i have done, to get this, she just looks at me like i am a weird little girl, dreaming about that pony again. but this is not a pony. and i am not a little girl.

this is 4 r e a l. i have to get away from here, before i tear my hair out, before i end my days. and it's not what i want, but i can't go on living like this. and i am tired of crying every day. it has got to be now. it has got to end.

i am sorry for the pain i am causing you. i never meant to be the odd one out.