in a minute i am going to smoke my last cigarette, and then i am going to put some music on, and then lie down with 25 candles lit, lights turned off, music playing. and wait. i'll wait for life to leave me, because i am so tired. and i can't stand my thoughts.

i'm sore. i've got blue marks all over, and i don't know what to do about them. so tired. i can't think anymore. i am afraid that if i start letting my thoughts flow again, there will be no way back. because all the bad things are locked up tight, but they are struggling to get out, and it scares me.

they're going to take over me. i am real sorry.