lack of physical closeness will kill me. and it doesn't matter how many friends i have that i can hug, and who can stroke my hair - it's not enough. it's not the type of closeness i need. i've started drinking white wine out of a box on a regular basis. it have half a bottle of vodka, but it doesn't interest me.

my computer is broken, and i don't know what to do. it feels wrong to do things on other computers. i miss my baby. i miss being able to write. i have no skills left at all. but i got a new camera? i am waiting for a sunny day, so i can start using it.

i am tired, because i have hardly slept, and i have dreamt of weird things, and there was a boy in my bed. it was weird. everything was, and is weird. i was drunk, and so was everyone else. and two other boys hit on me. one seemed to be pretty idiotic and uninteresting (his scoring tactics weren't too bright either), and the other one was weird. in the good sense, i guess, we lost track of one another though, but i think i got his phone number. weird.

and i nearly fell asleep, so this boy took me home. and it was nice, to be held again. but i know monday will be as every other day.