i guess you get weird when you don't eat. i know my brain doesn't really work right now and my eyes hurt and i can't focus on anything not even a thought. and this is only after not eating for one day. okay, so maybe also only sparse eating for a couple of days before that. maybe i have also slept too much. or too little. or at the wrong times. new york was so weird. good and weird. different things, old memories.
i want to eat, it is not that. i just cannot be bothered getting up. i want to. i really do. the world. the weight of the world. it's so heavy.