so i almost got put in the hospital again. i haven't been to school for two days. my brain is completely messed up, i can't do anything. i have cut up my arm, fucking with other people and just. i don't function. i just don't function right now.

i miss. i miss tania. and i saw her today. i don't know what it is. but she keeps getting more and more special to me. i am being stupid. i can't even say it.

simon and i are fucked up. i am messing it all up. doing everything wrong. i am wrong. i am the wrong person. i am not right. i just. don't know what i am supposed to do. i don't know how it works anymore. i don't know what will happen.

and i went to the doctor today. and i wanted to pull up my sleeve and shove my arm in his face. but he was so busy, and was nice enough to take time out of his schedual for me. so i didn't want to bug him too much. he says it isn't good to have two procedures going on at the same time. as in, me seeing both him and my psychiatrist. so i need to stop seeing my doctor about these things, and go to my psychiatrist.

i just want to go to the hospital. i just want to get away from here.