i feel so alone. and it hurts. everyone i know has found someone they love, someone they can share everything with, someone who can't live without them. everyone is getting boyfriends and girlfriends, best friends and best buddies. and here i am. in my room. in front of my computer. i haven't seen people other than my family and my doctor for a week. it's my birthday in two days, and i have to go to school. i am terrified. of people. and saturday is the party, and i just don't know what to feel. i am not looking forward to it, though i probably should. i just don't feel like i have anyone who is my best friend, someone who needs me, who wants to share everything with me.

there is my sort of boyfriend. but he is so far away. and it feels odd, because i am not in love with him. i wish i could fall in love.